“You’re here,” I muttered, looking down. “Got anywhere else to be?”
I looked away to avoid Shane’s intent gaze, but I accidentally spotted him through the tresses of hair falling in my face. Damn, I needed a haircut, but I couldn’t afford one. Maybe I should’ve just cut it all off like I did when I was younger.
“What, you don’t want me in my own apartment?” he asked, jokingly at first, and then more serious as he considered my motives. For once, I was thankful for my long hair. I was unsure if I wanted to see whatever face he was making. I needed a diversion.
“Beer?” I asked, abruptly standing up. He gave an approving grunt, and in an attempt to keep his eyes off me, I walked as stiffly as possible to the kitchen before realizing…we had no beer.
“Why don’t I go out-“
“There’s some in the fridge.”
I looked cautiously over to him before slowly making my way to the fridge and opening it up. I don’t think I’d ever opened it up.
“Oh,” I muttered as I creaked it open. There was, in fact, half a case of beer in there. I wondered where and when he got it.
“So why aren’t you out?” I asked, testing the waters with a gentle tone as I set a beer down in front of him. They were screw off, so I opened myself one and took a short, heady sip.
He surprised me when he replied calmly just a moment later. “No reason to be.”
“So you’re not involved with your…your…business anymore?”
I wasn’t quite sure what exactly he did to be able to afford this, er, fine apartment, but it must’ve been well off enough to get him enough money for those women he brought home all the time.
“What? What busi-oh.”
Out of nowhere, a strange noise escaped from him. It was a half-grunt-half-snort, and to the plain eye, you’d think he was choking…but alas, I believed him to be laughing.
I awkwardly looked down and to avoid his gaze and took a long sip of my beer. There, that was better.
“Of course I’m still doing that,” he scoffed. “I just had someone, uh, take over tonight.”
“Oh.”
What was I supposed to say? I was used to it just being me, the darkness, and my pity party in this apartment at this hour. Even when Shane was home, it wasn’t like he socialized with me. Well, I mean, minus the times when he was trying to make me fall for him which never worked. God, I was thinking too much. I took another sip-no, chug-of beer to calm me down. It sort of helped.
“What do you even do when you’re here?” asked Shane suddenly. He wasn’t asking in a friendly tone, but the more beer he drank, the more a calmer, cooler tone replaced his gruffed up snarl. I think he was finally catching on to the fact that it was rude.
“Um, I don’t know,” I mumbled. Wanting to go down a path that would lead to a lighter conversation, I took a big sip, polished off the beer, and held up my hands and said, “Smoke?”
He didn’t seem to know what to say at first, but the eventual smile that spread across his face was answer enough: I got on his good side finally. Maybe the key to not having him hit on me was humor.
“So what do you wanna do?” I mumbled, slurring my words together by accident. Perhaps the beer was affecting me more than I’d originally planned for it. Eh. Who cares? It made me more comfortable with everything I was saying, so without a doubt it was for the better.
“Oh, I have some ideas,” he growled, eyeing me up. “But if you’re anything like your usual self, then I guess I can forget that.”
“Forget what?” I murmured as I pieced what he was saying together.
“Forget the fact that you’re hot as hell, and you never want anything to do with me. If you just let me into you, I could give you so much more…even a job.” Shane took another sip of his drink, and though I knew I should be nervous by the abrupt change of topic, the beer settling in my gut told me that I need not worry. A cool calm and lackadaisical feeling washed through me, and for once I didn’t feel the effects of Shane’s threatening gaze penetrating my mind. Maybe it was the sudden prospect of a job. Was this just his way of showing that he liked someone? Was I the odd one out who never let anyone close to me? Had I been pushing away a perfectly great guy just like I had with Denis?
“And,” continued Shane, pausing to take a sip of his beer. “The fact that I still let you live here despite you wanting nothing to do with me. Did you know that you’re the first chick I’ve let stay here without any sex or working for me?”
I gulped. Maybe the beer wasn’t helping as much as I thought.
“And did you know,” he seethed, “that my patience is running low, and I just might not be so kind if you don’t fulfill my needs? I do have needs, you know. And right now? You’re the one I need to fulfill them.”
I was so conscious of my surroundings that when my tongue started going dry, I could feel each moist section evaporating into a thin cloud of nothingness.
But even more than that was a sudden desire evoked deep, deep inside of me. A desire that I fulfilled day after day so easily, yet so suddenly it could be taken away from me. My desire to stay as far away as possible from my real life was being threatened, and I knew I needed to act…but would the only way to do that be by turning to the last thing I ever wanted to go through again? I knew desperate times called for desperate measures, but was it worth sacrificing the last bit of pride I had? I guess I was going to find out.
“I-I-I can h-help…if you want.”
I was caught off guard by how suddenly I was aware of everything going on, so without thinking I grabbed Shane’s beer and took a long, deep sip. He licked his lips, but it wasn’t enough. I still felt dirty. I polished off his beer and waited for it to take over my rationality before I could back out to what this evening had turned in to.
“B-but,” I continued, shaking. “I want to know about the job.”
“Let’s just say that tonight will make you all the more qualified for it,” Shane muttered. He abruptly pushed back his chair and stood up, gazing down at me from above. With one simply flick of his finger, I slowly rose and stayed completely concentrated on his face. What was he doing to me? I stumbled into the trance he was holding me in, and though none of my thoughts were straying far from his gaze and deep scar, I couldn’t help but wonder…was this how he always brought home women? The girls who I’d once thought to be whores and crackheads came rushing into my mind, taunting me, making me wonder if that’s what I was slowly turning in to. I gasped and shoved away the thoughts. I wasn’t them. I was doing this because I had to, not because I wanted to.
Within an instant, his hot and heavy breathing was on my neck. Every ounce of my body was beckoning me to give in, to melt into what was supposed to be seductive and tempting, yet I could hardly fight off the nagging voice in the back of my mind telling me that I was just another girl he brought home.
“Don’t be scared,” he whispered into my ear. He leaned into me, and yet all I could think about was how disgusting he felt on me.
Out of instinct, I shimmied out of his grasp but then immediately regretted it as he gaped at me in horror and lust from in front of me. He wasn’t giving up, and I was already in too deep to get out…I just had to do it. I repeated that mantra several times in my head as Shane closed in once again.
This time I forced myself not to get scared. I stood completely still as he explored every inch of my mouth and lower back. The way his fingers so effortlessly tugged and pulled at all of my bad memories was sickening enough to scare me on the spot.
After a little while of this, I actually kind of got used to it. I didn’t like it, but I could almost feel the effects of going through with this and getting to stay in the apartment. The fear and nausea slowly faded into an annoying reoccurring thought that I could push away for a few seconds at a time, and the feeling of his hands roaming my body started to not feel so alien and sickening as it was originally. That is, until he slipped his hand under my shirt and pulled down my bra.
A small gasp escaped my body, but it was as if Shane didn’t even hear it. I tried pulling away, but his arm kept me firmly in place despite his lack of muscle. I was glued in the arms of a man who only wanted my body, and there was no way I was getting out.
The feeling of his fingers grazing every inch under my shirt and inside my thong was slightly harder to get used to…in fact, it was nearly impossible. He was no newbie at doing this, and I was-well, I was not new, but my first experience wasn’t something I wanted to recall, especially in a moment like this. In fact, I was so concerned with my own insecurities with what was happening that I didn’t even know what to do when we ended up in his bedroom, and he dropped his pants to reveal something even harder to deal with. I couldn’t even contain the fear etched on my face when he pushed me down on to my knees and pulled my shirt over my head. I was alone, I was bare, and there was no backing out. This was the life I had made for myself, and not even the fleeting thought of finding a new home could get me out of this one. This was what I had become, and this was what I was destined to stay as.
A whore. It was an interesting thought, especially after what the past hour of my life had been. The five letter word no longer felt so foreign on my tongue…it actually felt strangely normal. I had declared myself as a whore, and as demeaning as that title felt, I was a whore with a home, a home that would shield me from the life I was trying to forget…and possibly a job, whatever that was.
My strange sporadic desires to be innocent again were almost now laughable, and as I lied in bed next to the second man to steal an innocence that never existed from me, I felt numb. I had done unimaginable things. My mind even strayed as far as wondering what my mother, father, or even more so my brother would think if they knew what I’d done. Those thoughts were so sickening that I pushed them away immediately before giving into the numbness again.
Shane let out a small moan from beside me as he shifted his weight to face away with me. He was so rough with me that all I could do was lie completely still and try to ignore the pain radiating from my lower body. The only positive feeling that was apparent was the realization that I still had a home, but after a while? Even that feeling wore off, and then I just felt like I was watching myself fall apart from another person’s eyes. I was screaming for someone to understand me, to understand what I faced every day, but I knew that if I ever wanted someone to feel what I felt that they would have to know what I’d been through…and that just wasn’t an option.
The dingy alarm clock across the room suddenly altered, and it was dark enough for it to startle me enough to see what’d happened. I was never competent enough to pay attention what day of the week it was or what hour it happened to be, but by squinting my eyes I was able to see that it was 12:01 am of November 14th. Why did that day sound so familiar…was it a holiday? It took me a few moments, but then I let out a drunken giggle when I realized: it was my birthday.
My drunken state wasn’t helping, but even then it only took me a few moments to remember. This wasn’t just any birthday. 21 years ago on this day, I was born to an innocent family in Appaloosa Plains. Today? Today laid only the husk of a woman, if you could even call me that. It was kind of ironic, too. 21st birthdays to the average girl entailed their first legal drinks, gambling with friends, staying out later than usual, and receiving extravagant gifts from their family and friends. To make myself feel better with the new realization, I had to complete the only thing on the list that I could complete at this time, and that sadly included getting up from my pain-stricken position. I sucked it up and slowly rolled out of the bed. The hardest chore was avoiding the creaking bed that was permanently stapled in my brain.
By feeling my way through the unordinarily dark apartment, I made my way down to the kitchen in a somewhat drunken stumble. Upon opening up the fridge, I was momentarily blinded by the light, but then a small flicker of excitement clouded that once I spotted it. The one thing that could possibly bring me back down from what I’d become was also the thing that had make tonight happen: a beer.
It was an interesting turn of events. In someone else’s reality, a beer symbolized becoming an adult and letting loose. In mine, it symbolized was a life well wasted and a way to forget my pain, even if just for a small amount of time. On that night, all it was was a way for me to escape my reality, even if just for a moment, and attempt to feel like it was my first drink on my 21st birthday, and I was surrounded my great friends and family. Blame it on the alcohol, but after a while I even started to imagine that I was being flirted with for the first time, and I was truly innocent.
When the final drop of beer slid on to my tongue, I got a brief flicker of an idea. My hands felt around until they landed on the smooth plastic of my lighter. With a newfound insight in my eyes, I lifted it in front of me, pulling in my legs with my other arm to my chest. In a breathy, scratchy voice from years of smoking, I quietly let out the first few notes of a song I never thought I would hear again.
“Happy birthday to you…h-happy birthday to m-me,” I stuttered. “Happy birthday to V-Valerie…”
I started losing focus as I zeroed in on the flames and sung myself into oblivion. I almost couldn’t finish the last verse as a single tear streamed down my face, but I could eventually choke it out.
“H-happy birthday to…” My mom’s face flashed across my mind with her bright smile. I tried to push it away, but like a reoccurring demon in your dreams she, my dad, and my brother kept popping up, smiling, begging me to come back to what I’d left behind. I ignored them and finished the song, gripping on to my legs for my dear sanity.
“the whore.”
That was……..a amazing chapter! <333
Valerie….. ;_________; You are so much better than that
You are just killing me here! Waiting for something good for Valerie to happen..but she is keeps getting a bigger hole 😦
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Amazing chapter! So glad you posted it~ Thank you!
Noooooo!!!! D: poor valerie! That last part broke my heart <|3
Can't we just go back to the days where everything was ok?
Amazing chapter!
I was so happy to see that you had posted a chapter! And I have to say, your writing is amazing! It’s so realistic and the detail of it all just makes everything that has happened to Valerie, thus far, so real.
I really hope she gets out of that place and goes far away from that man. The poor girl needs to do something about that experience that she had as a child.
This chapter was so creative, I loved the bit at the end, even though it made me really sad. ;_;
Awesome chapter! 😀 I’m so excited for the next one!
~Calista Smith
Seeing that you posted another chapter both surprised me and excited me. This is one of my top favorite legacies and I was sad to see it end, but now you’ve made my day with a new chapter for me to read. Yay! 😀
I really hope you’ll continue this legacy cause I enjoy reading your writing. I also really want to see how Valerie’s life turns out.
This as a great chapter. I feel bad for Valerie and I hope she can get out of the mess she’s in, but it was a great well written chapter none the less. 🙂
~Hailey~
(aka Dawn)
I am so happy to see a new chapter up. I never gave up hope on you or this blog that’s why it stayed bookmarked and why I check it every week or 2. Your writing ability is amazing. I don’t know how much this means, but honestly speaking your 100 BC is what inspired me to want to start challenges/legacies etc (which I hope to do soon) your blogs have been my number 1 go to Sims blogs to read. I hope you continue. Just don’t put so much pressure on yourself and do posts when you can/want. Those that matter will wait. Anyways sorry for the long winded comment lol take care xoxox
I’m so glad you’re back, Amber. Although we are all very excited, don’t rush yourself. We’ll wait for you. You’re very important to all of us. 🙂
I hope you’re feeling much better. Take care.